"David Demke, please come to the main office. David Demke..."

"...And I watched in fear, no, not fear, for surely such a word does not accurately describe the feeling that was pumping through my veins, but terror, a sheer, unrelenting horror that overpowered everything, ejecting whatever humanity I had and turning me into a bestial creature, more akin to a savage animal than a person."

That literally has nothing to do with anything, I just couldn't think of any way to start the letter, so I just wrote something random. I am still content, don't worry.

Well, now that we have the awkward intro out of the way, we shall dive right into the "meat", as they say in Indiana.

It was another week. (That sentence didn't come out the way I meant it to; perhaps I shall try again). It has been another week, full of some interesting happenings and some more ordinary occurrences, but, as is usual in missionary life, I can safely assure you that it was far from boring. 

As the astute reader will already know, the Temple open house has begun. Since the opening day, my companion and I have been up there for service not one, not two, but three, yes, three, times. You see, we were scheduled to have only two in these two weeks, but last Tuesday the Assistants called us and said that they had a huge (emphasis added) favor to ask of us (although it wasn't really a favor they were asking, rather a command they were giving). They said, in effect, that they needed someone to fill in for a companionship who wouldn't be able to make it to temple service. Naturally, we accepted, and so we've been one more time than the rest of our zone. It is a very enjoyable experience, doing stuff at the temple. We mostly operate video rooms (they show a short video prior to the tour of the temple), but sometimes we do ushering or even are tour guides if they need us to be. It's pretty crazy. 

Also, fun fact, I saw someone who I am apparently related to yesterday while we were on shift (I'm sorry I can't remember your name, on the off chance, you happen to be reading this). So that was something random that happened as well. It's pretty fun doing stuff up there though. 

Yesterday was particularly crazy, because we were very shorthanded in the tour-guide department (and really, just in the volunteer department in general), so we had to lead a ton of tours as well as coordinate and run video rooms and also usher people around the building and grounds. It was insane. They were so shorthanded that we had to stay until almost 4:00, even though our shift technically ended at 12:15, just because we literally had nobody else to do anything. (Luckily, we didn't have any appointments scheduled so we didn't have to miss anything super important because of it). It was good, though. It was honestly one of the most fun days I've had yet, running around making sure everything was getting done. Literally insane.

We also had exchanges with our zone leaders this week. I went with a fellow known in these parts as Elder Brady, although I doubt that name has any meaning to you. It was pretty good. Exchanges usually are. I don't know why I decided to include this particular detail, because nothing super newsworthy happened, but, now you know, I guess.

I have come down with a strange disease. It is an interesting diagnosis. You see, for some strange reason, whenever we get rejected by anyone, I simply begin to chuckle. Sometimes, that chuckle will escalate into a less controllable spasm of laughter. Allow me to share a few examples. Our second time going to the temple for open house work, there was a man standing just outside the gate to the temple grounds holding a picket sign that said "joseph lied" (I wrote it with the same capitalization that he did). The moment I saw him, I started to shake. I tried to control myself, but as we were walking across the street I erupted into an uncontrollable bout of what medical professionals refer to as "the giggles". Another example, just yesterday we got yelled at by an old Russian guy, and walking down the sidewalk I had to restrain myself. It's weird. 

Well, I can't think of anything else to write.

Therefore, I will now close.

And I make an end.

-Ben "Jolly Good" Rivera

P.S. Wow, this is depressing. I can't even think of anything to write in the "P.S."s.

P.P.S. 我是一个快乐的导游！

P.P.P.S. "How do you spell FBI?"

P.P.P.P.S. aha-aha-aha-aha-aha-aha-aha-AHA!!!